my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
