Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
