dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
