I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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