Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she smelled like a LAN party
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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