So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
