I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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