hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
