You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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