Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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