Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it because I queefed?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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