Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
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Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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