You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
