you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
