I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
