I wanna passion pit in your ass
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
