Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
