Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
