I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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