I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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