but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
