she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
