And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
