Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
