He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
