very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
