girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
