Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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