Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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