i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
