Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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