i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
