...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
