Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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