The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
