Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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