Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
