i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
