apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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