"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
