Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
