please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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