I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
