Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
