so that wasnt chicken after all
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
