But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
