Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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