Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
