Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
