I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
