Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
