I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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