Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
