Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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