there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
