Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
