Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
