There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
