do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
